The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
