Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
