Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
