We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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