I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
