I was born with a shot glass in my hand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize