Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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