Pappa wants mamma naked
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
