i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
