hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
