You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
