I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
