Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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