Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You need a sexual gate keeper
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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