Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
smell my finger.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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