he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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