Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
