Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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