if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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