We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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