I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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