i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize