God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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