proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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