Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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