lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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