College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The struggles of a small town man whore
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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