i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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