five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
