I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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