This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
