I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize