you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
