3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize