areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
