I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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