Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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