So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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