She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
