Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
