Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
