Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
