My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
