At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
