Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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