hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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