I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
