my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
