Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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