Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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