How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
