I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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