Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
