Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
