Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
its liver damage thursday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize