there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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