Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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