you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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