I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
