Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
