how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
