I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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