i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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