she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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