How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
