Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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