So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
