hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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