Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
