My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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