you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
