i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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