I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
